Love, Relationships and Relying on God

To be honest, the thought of being in a relationship scares the crap out of me!

 Like clammy skin, feel like I'm going to puke, scared! The thought of opening myself up to that level of trust and love scares me like nothing before. To be that vulnerable, open to being hurt, crushed even...I don't know if I can do it! I'm afraid I will sabotage myself to keep me from getting to that place where I could get hurt. Love is scary as hell! I don't know if I can give someone else that kind of control over me! I don't know if I'm that strong.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

I know.

But...

It's ok to be scared. It's ok to doubt, to question. It's ok to rely on God! Let me say that again, it's ok to rely on God! That's what makes us human, our need for Him. If I had it all together, no doubts, no insecurities, I would have no need for a Savior. I would never know the all-encompassing love of the Father. The Father, who, before I was even thought of, saw me. Saw my doubt, my insecurities, my stubbornness, my pride, my dishonesty. God saw my multitudes of sins that Satan kept laying out before Him, showing Him how utterly unworthy I am to be loved, He saw all that and still chose me. Chose to give me life instead of death. And He didn't just save me from death, but offered up in my place His own Son to take my punishment. How can you comprehend this kind of love? It's so overwhelming! How do you even begin to repay a debt like that?

You don't.

'He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.' Micah 6:8

So I will justly live, showing mercy to others and myself, and humbly walk hand in hand with God, trusting Him all the way. Because, if I trust God, then I have nothing to fear and I have every reason for joy. And the question “But what if I suffer?” instead becomes “What am I so afraid of?

Here's my heart, Lord. Speak what is true.
You are strong, You are sure.
You are life, You endure.
You are good, always true.
You are light breaking through.